Okay. Just like I said in the title, this would be rambling.
It's quarter to midnight. Being awake at this time is certainly not new to me. I had always been a late sleeper. Although for almost half a year now I am awake at this hour tapping on my laptop, mostly for work: sending an e-mail, finishing reports, drafting memos and letters, doing computations for promo proposals. Once in a while, Facebook or some game holds me hostage, though. (I easily get addicted to certain strategy or word games.)
Generally speaking, I am okay with how my life is moving along. 90% of it revolves around my work. 10% is spend on other stuff: family Sundays, sleeping, eating, keeping in touch with friends, reading books, pursuing what interests me a that particular instance. Yes, I know. To most people this would seem very disproportionate. I have said time and again though that my work is something I enjoy, and though it stresses me out with its constant demand, it is also my happiness and even refuge from life, if you will.
Yes, I also know that people also wonder about my blessed singleness. And when they learn of my daily routine, they usually think, no wonder she's single. What's my daily routine, you ask?
I wake up between 8am to 8:30am. Bathe, brush my teeth, fix my stuff and drive to work. I arrive at the office between 9 and 9:30am and do work stuff till I quit which is usually any time from 8pm to 9pm. I do have 14-hour days, sometimes.
I go home, bathe, brush my teeth and do a little bit more paperwork till I sleep any time between 12mn to 3am.
But see, I really find fulfillment in what I do. I enjoy the company of the people I work with and work for (99% of them), I am honored to have the opportunity to stretch my mental muscles and lucky to have a boss who values me and recognizes a potential in me I have only dreamed I have previously. Less than a week ago, he tells me that our challenge is to make me GM in 5 years. GM?! 5 years?! Whoa! Yet when he told me that, I actually thought it possible. Even for a moment.
And so from that point on, it's almost like that tip of the mountain you see from afar, knowing it's your destination. I just want to someday be surprised I'm already there.
How I wish I could tell my friends and family that. You'd be surprised. Except my youngest sister, who actually told me I should be in that position in 5 years because I'm really not that young anymore, I haven't mentioned it to anyone.
I had briefly thought of putting some thought about that in my Facebook status. But I didn't. Because I don't want people reacting negatively to it. why ruin it for me? But then again, now you know.
You think with a possibility like that in my future I'd be keen on leaving this company? Yeah, yeah. I know it may appear like he's just duping me to stay because he trusts me explicitly. But Xavier is not the type. he's not going to keep anybody who is a millstone to the company he's trying to grow.
Earlier today, we finished our first Media Day. I was stressing about it because it's a project that depends a large part on me doing my job well. Less than two weeks ago, I did my first Store Opening. later this week, I'd be flying to Cebu for my 2nd business review.I have several Local Store marketing activities going on and should be monitoring and I also have sevderal retail projects I should launch in less than a month. All of these are occypying my mind right now, on top of reminding myself I have to do a good job.
Lest you think that work is all I do, there are other things sharing my memory-gapped brain with work. Once a month, I host a game show for book geeks. This I do for a friend, for the GCs I get as payment and for the fun I have putting the event together from my side--coming up and researching the questions, actual hosting duties, planning my costume and dressing up for it.
I am also a TV addict. I watch TV while I work on my bed most nights. I follow several series on TV.
At the moment, the upcoming Christmas party is also occupying my mind. I have committed myself to making this year a good one for our Partners. I want them to find a reason to stay in the company and reap the rewards that can come. I want them to be as happy as I am about the company they work for and the work that they do.
And then there are those little projects that I think up with Buck. The relief activities, the new uniforms, the training required, the little office outtings to keep the camaraderie alive, etc.
And with all these on my mind, do you really think I can commit myself to anything else? do I get lonely? Of course. But I think I have come to that stage in my life where I will not misconstrue the arms around me during copulation as love. So the danger of being drunk in love is really a remote possibility for me.
Besides that, I don't think I will survive another major heartbreak. So I know I can live with occasional dalliances, just so i will not break my heart big time again.
Yes, I do wish for love. Who doesn't? But who's going to accept the kind of life I have now? I want my next real relationship to be a serious one. But I don't have the capacity to sustain one. Not to mention I'm deathly afraid of failing at another relationship. Who wants jealousies and cheating and insecurities and fighting and being unhappy? Not me. So tell me how can I give up my life now?
Yes, it's relatively placid, with only work providing the only excitements. But I bear no heartache. Yes, it's lonely. But it's an acceptable form of loneliness over the loneliness you feel though you are with someone. Yes, I'm alone. But except for my mother who never misses the chancve to express her distaste of the hours I keep, I don't have quarrel with anyone either.
So is my life really that far worse?
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