Ramblings The Night Before Halloween

This post started in my head long before my pen hit the paper (yes, i still write drafts of my posts.). It started while I was sitting down wrapping soaps with paper, sticker & ribbon. The soaps are for work. That's one of the tasks that I still do for work. And yes, I always do it at home, while i'm sitting in front of the TV.

Yes, I know it's already my own time. But I always thought it's a fair exchange since I also do have personal stuff that has to be done on office time.

This wrapping has a short ritual to it. I would get my cutting board and metal rular. Then I reach for my cutter. I'd sit by my bed and then I'd cut and lay out the wrappers, bring out the soaps and cut the ribbon. I work on it like a one-stop assembly point.o all the different parts have to be ready.

Then once I start, my hands go on auto-pilot, freeing my brain to concentrate on what's happening on screen.

I'm tuned in on Amazing Race Asia on AXN. I was thrilled when I first learned about this race. I had been a follower of the original, see. Now, I have followed ARA since Day 1.

I'm really glad that Ida and Tania are still in the race. Much as I want to cheer for Geoff and Tisha, pinoy pride and all, I just really prefer the girls over them. Who wouldn't love these two women who went all the way out of their comfortable-valet parking-first class comfort zone and still remained spunky, true & cheerful? The movie star and the heiress, who never traveled economy before, showed that they are classy people, but not because of their money.

Henry & Bernie got eliminated today. I used to like them. At the early stages of the race, they seemed like nice people to me. But when they started to take things too personally, I lost my positive feelings for them.

With ARA done, I switched to AXN Beyond just in time for Journeyman. I like the idea behind the series. A man travels through time to somehow make sure things are set straight. He doesn't know who sends him. He doesn't even knowwhy he is sent to whatever time and place he appears to.

Tonight, his wife just showed what I felt expressed fully how love can be within a marriage. In one of the earlier episodes, he came clean to his wife and told her what happens when he disappears. He did this at the risk of being thought of a crazy or being accused of making up some outrageous tale just to carry on with someone else. He told her then, "I will always come home."

The disappearance are beginning to take their toll on the marriage. They both wanted it to stop. In tonight's episode, he thought he found a possible way to stop it. Then he also found out that he is the last of his kind. How can he stop when he has been helping people? So he told his wife he can't stop. She was heartbroken. But all she said was, "You told me once that you will always come home. Let's take it from there." Awwww! Crazy, but I got teary-eyed for a moment.

After Journeyman, Buffy comes on. Oz showed up after being gone a while. He finally found a way to address his werewolf problem. But alas! Willow is already emotionally involved with someone else. To tell or not to tell? But he found out. And all the effort to correct his beastly problem went down the drain. Negative emotion triggers his werewolf-ness. So he has to go away again. Painful. But he might end up killing her. Or Buffy might end up killing him to save Willow. Ah! Heartache! Why can't love just always save the day?!

I changed channels after Buffy to watch back-to-back episodes of The Nanny at Hallmark. Finally! They're engaged!

And my last stop before turning in is Grey's Anatomy. It never fails. They almost always makes me weep. Tonight's topic: Intimacy. Fine! I'll have fish eyes in the morning!

I guess, more than a relationship, what I really seek is intimacy. I guess doing most of your growing by yourself makes you seek it more than the average person. Intimacy to me is that deep connection between two people. When you know each other very well, and love each other deeply to the point it doesn't matter that it hurts.

I figure that's why I always open myself to people. I let everyone get to know me. It's like being a room with the door open. People are invited to come in and look around, stay, touch the stuff inside. Ironically, it's also for that reason that each encounter frightens me. To be open is to be open to hurt as well. Because I hardly discriminated (The only ones I never let enter are those who ring my warning bell.), I got hurt so many times. And I've hurt myself so many times. Yet, to this day, I can't help it. It has become my nature.

And for that I'm thankful. Because if it weren't for that, I wouldn't be friends with some really good people. Sure, it is certain our paths will separate at some point. But I'm glad to still have met them.

As for that intimacy, anyone out there who is interested to be intimate with a 37-year old with baggages?