There are days when I can look far ahead and see something. The image is not usually the same. But I’d see something. I see that things will be different. I see that things can be better.
Then there are days that no matter how hard I look, I only see sameness, bleakness. I can’t see a reasonable way out. And it seems like I got myself out of a bad situation and into a rut.
But then, maybe, what I need is a reason to look ahead. I’m not talking about a kid. I think that will just put me in a different and deeper rut. I’m talking about a man. Or a friend. Or even a business idea I can run away with. Something. Anything. To live for. To stay alive for. To stop being a zombie for.
That’s how it feels sometimes. You’re walking, talking, working, even laughing. But inside you’re dead, your heart barely beating.
Once in a while I’d feel this way. Yet I keep moving forward. I keep moving. Hoping that by keeping myself in motion, I will get myself out of where I am. Even during those times when I’m not sure I can get myself out.
1 comment:
look at the bright side, come 09 you'll have something to keep yourself busy. wink wink :)
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