2009

It’s Sunday after Christmas. For once, the house is quiet. My sisters all have their in-law duties to attend to, leaving me and my mom alone with whatever it is that manages to occupy us. For me, it’s thinking back the past year.

I know it’s nothing new. People tend to reflect on their life about twice a year at least: birthday and the coming of the new year. And I tend to be reflective whenever I have some time to think of something else aside from work.

Years ago, I broke my heart big time. It was, least to say, devastating for my psyche. Soon afterwards, I carried on an affair with a very unsuitable guy. I will not justify what I did. I knew it was wrong. But I wasn’t operating on right or wrong at the time. I needed to fix myself. He made me feel better. And I poured my heart to him and to the relationship the way I would have done had the previous one worked out. (I won’t go into that one anymore, that’s already one blog entry in itself.)

But that one went awry when family members from both sides got involved. At some point, it became clear to me it will not go anywhere and will just hurt more people and not get me fixed anyway. In fact, things got worse with what I have done. And I ended up having a more extensive repair and recovery job.

That was in 2006-2007.

I quit my job then, looked for a new one, lived off my credit cards (bad idea I know, but I wasn’t going to beg, borrow or steal). Found one and that was the first step for me. I threw myself to fixing what I broke. I started paying off my credit card debts, kept a strict home-work routine for more than a year, stayed in a job whose only redeeming value was a few people I became friends with.

First quarter of 2009, I felt that I have repaired myself enough to let go of the old job and venture out again.

This new job pays better and has a more conducive environment for the kind of job dedication I usually exercise. Some people call it workaholic-ism. Me, it’s just me. I don’t consider myself addicted to work. I’m just naturally obsessive. When I’m enjoying what I’m doing, the hours, even life itself passes by.

This year has been one of many firsts.

I got myself a boss who likes pushing the envelope and takes delight in people who respond to challenges even at the risk of failure. Xavier often tells me, he’d rather have someone make a mistake doing something, than make the mistake of doing nothing at all. I like that.

And generally, I like him. He kids me that he is not my mentor but my tormentor. But I don’t feel tormented by him. Sure, I usually find myself in uncomfortable situations with him. Yet it’s not to punish but to teach, it’s not to suffer but to learn.

He has the kind of influencing power that can convince you to walk on coals blindfolded. It was that power that have made me eat goat meat and eggplant, drink Colombian and civet coffee, and even have a closer relationship with numbers like never before.

It’s also a year of friendships. My transfer to a new company introduced me to amazing people. There is Superman with his unnatural calmness and patience. There is Wondergirl who has a knack for weathering the most trying situations. There are the many store-based people with their own stories.

And of learning and doing new stuff/routines. Aside from the many lessons which Xavier tries to teach me, other people presented me with chances to learn to be patient, to be more calm, to be a bit more deliberate.

Also, I had been inside a plane this year more times than in the last five years. I’m learning how to efficiently pack my suitcase so I won’t be lugging voluminous bags whenever I have to travel.

This year, I am very happy to note, I had been given more chances to help other people than ever before. Previously, I get to help mostly as part of the family’s traditions. This year, it’s more than that. The slight increase in my pay and the new situation I am in gave me more opportunities. That is the one thing that will make me remember this year with a measure of fondness.

If there were additions, there were subtractions too. But nothing which makes me feel like I lost something from my life. Less TV, less movie theater-watching and less book-reading for me this year. It’s a big deal in a way because these are the three things which accompany me in my alone times. But I have willingly made those adjustments.

And this is the first Christmas that I hardly had time to shop for gifts. Majority of the gifts I gave this year were ordered. When I say majority, I mean about 90%. I didn’t do Christmas shopping this year. That one made me a bit sad. But it can’t be helped. My gifts this year cost me more and there were less variety—two things which make me less proud of my holiday accomplishment. I so enjoy finding bargains and interesting gift items. I have to forgo of that this year. But now that I know what my job requires of me, next year, I will most probably start my Christmas shopping in July!

My eyesight has started to dim again. I had a new pair of glasses made last month. I now have to wear glasses when I drive at night and when I start to get headaches tapping away on my laptop for hours on end.

I got paid to do hosting duties this year. I am Lady Dementia for a bookstore and the California Raisin Lady for another company. That was both enjoyable and beneficial for me. A creative outlet and a stress-reliever, if you will believe me.

In 2008, I have told myself that by the end of 2009, I should have finished fixing what I broke, because in 2010, I will start to build. I’m happy to report to you that while I wasn’t able to even out all the potholes I have made, I have done enough fixing to start building.

Year 2010 is my last year as a thirty-something. It’s time to construct the stage for a new beginning. After all, life begins at 40.

So here’s to 2010! Hopefully, this time next year, I’d be telling you all about what I have built, and I will tell you all of it on such a high note.