dying

we found each other
and i thought we fit
you needed someone like me
and you gave me a place to go

does it really matter
whether it's gratitude
or maybe commitment
why i stayed with you

it hasn't been easy
you are needy,
demanding,
sometimes unreasonable,
always requiring from me

i tried
really, i tried
to keep up
to provide
to deliver

but things are changing

as soon as i leave your side
your power over me ebbs
as i drive away
your hold on me loosens

and when i reach home
i bathe you off me
your smell off my skin
your expectations off my mind

i watch as it goes
swirling done the drain
like dirt from the day

then i sit on my bed
letting the pictures on tv
overwrite trace of you left

i watch the characters
live their celluloid lives
like i am zeus
a spectator
involved but not
feeling but not
but certainly entertained

i cease becoming a character in your own drama
i do not need to sing when i want to dance
i do not need to smile when my eyes are welling
i get my peace
i get my quiet
i get my rest
i am away from you

but tomorrow
the sitcom, the drama, the talk show
starts again
i play a role
do what you expect of me

do you know i long to flee
as i sit
plotting for you
protecting your name
making things happen for you
so that people will remember
and know you

i scan possibilities
i look for new arms
to cradle me
to love me to receive me

oh i have second thought
for every thought i've had
that's why i'm still here

but every day that passes
i die a little inside
the fight trickle out of me
my fangs melt
and i go home a little less
than who i am today